When I first came to New York, I had the privilege of meeting Nathan W. Pyle, author of the bestselling book NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette, when he came to visit my humble little school. I got a copy of his book, and after a week of intense studying, became far better equipped to handle the city than I ever would have been if I had tried to do trial and error. Of course there are always things you need to handle in the moment, but helpful advice, whether it be from a book or friends of yours, goes a long way in cutting that learning curve down to size.
If you're thinking about moving to New York, or have already done so, then hopefully you have come to terms with the reality of the situation. New York is tough, gritty, and is going to break your heart every other day. Like Pyle said in his book, New York is the city that simultaneously gives you a great big hug and then punches you in the face. The stress is difficult, and a lot of people can't handle it (every year half the freshmen drop out of school during the first semester). You are forced to grow up very quickly, and while it's incredibly painful, it makes you much more equipped to handle life as an adult. Everybody knows that one Frank Sinatra song, where he says "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere." That certainly is true, but if there's anything I've learned from living here is that "making it" is not an individual enterprise. You need friends, and you need community.
I'm gonna rag on sitcoms again, so bear with me. All the characters on sitcoms are such good friends, and they love each other deeply (except It's Always Sunny, they're all terrible people). But you cannot move to a brand new place like New York and expect that you will find a close-nit group of sitcom character friends and form a cute "family" with. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's not a given, so don't sit around waiting for that magical group of friends that may never come.
Work friends don't count either. All of you are working to achieve some sort of professional goal, and if you're doing your job correctly, chances are you aren't forging that community with your co-workers. Again, there are exceptions depending on the work, but this is also not a given by any means. You're an adult with an adult job, and while it's one thing to get a beer with a co-worker, don't go to work with the expectation that your work friends will be your best friends, who can satisfy your need for community.
When I say community, I mean people bound together by something other than work or friendship for its own sake. People who have your back, whom you can lean upon when life gets inevitably more than you can handle on your own. People who build you up, and temper your strength against the harsh reality of the city. Iron sharpening iron, as C.S Lewis would say.
I was fortunate to find community within the House of C.S Lewis, the Harry Potter-style community at my college. All of us, united by these community goals, fulfill this purpose for one another, and without them I would have left New York a long time ago. If you don't have access to this type of community, find some people with a common interest, like swing dancing or theatre. If your religious, find a church, or temple, or mosque, or zikr, or if you're not, find a group of atheists to hang out with. Every kind of community is here, and there is no excuse for not finding one to be apart of.
Lewis says that friendship starts the moment you say "Me too? I thought I was the only one!" It's finding a bunch of weirdos who like each other, and meeting about a common thing. Fiends don't face one another, but stand side by side, looking at the same truth they hold dear. Philosophically speaking, friendship is not necessary for one's immediate survival, but it is a component to ensure life is worth living. You don't move to New York to "survive," but to "flourish," and if man is to achieve flourishing it must be done in community (as Aristotle would say). I miss my community in Orange County often, and I did by no means replace them here. Rather, I found a new home in the hearts of others out here, who have shaped my experience in the city for the better.
This is really true. People have a self-deception crisis that they think they can live without community, when we crave it so much will jump at any opportunity to have it without a second thought. But we also leap out of it the moment that it costs us something because we love freedom so much. If we admit we need community we will not see our lack of freedom in community as something "wrong" with the situation and instead see it as part of the good thing we need to embrace to be whole.
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